Little things that go bump in my head

I have all these thoughts running through my head…

January 12, 2011 at 1:02 am (Uncategorized)

.. and this insane urge to just write them all down.  Bear with me here…

Girls are dumb. I know I know… you want me to say boys are dumb. But right now I am in a girl hating mood. Why? Because it seems like, whenever I get to a guy, he has just been royally cussed over by some chic. With one exception. One was screwed over by his ex-fiance, who cheated on him just like she had cheated on her husband WITH him (go figure. I bet we can guess which winner THAT was. Oh yeah- the one who cheated on ME! XD). It took almost a YEAR for another to get over his ex. A year! Why start a relationship with someone when you’re not emotionally available? But in that case, the GIRL cussed him up. How? At the beginning they had the same wants/needs/goals. Then at the end… what? You mean you never wanted that stuff? Huh? SERIOUSLY PEOPLE!!! What is up with you?!?! Why would you act one way just to get the guy/girl, only to change later on??? Do you realize what that is?? FALSE ADVERTISING!!!! Then when it doesn’t work, do you REALLY wonder why?? And don’t even get me started on the cheating thing.. I’ve dealt with it. I know how it works. And once they realize they can get away with it the FIRST time, since you still love them and want to work it out, rest assured that it will just continue like a vicious cycle.  ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER (I know some of you say people can change, but I don’t believe it. Now, in past relationships you may have cheated, but not the current one. Okay. Different person. But once you’ve gotten away with cheating in a current relationship, its fair game.), and quite frankly, I have very little respect for those who do that. If  you are in a relationship, and there are ANY thoughts in your head about being with someone else… GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP!!! Its a sign that you don’t want to be in it anymore!! Why do you cheat, knowing how much it will hurt the other person?? And then claim that you still love them soooo much?!?! You’re a bloody IDIOT!! You’re a lying, filthy, cheating son of a cuss! And more than likely, you don’t deserve the other person. Now once you’ve successfully ripped their heart out, thrown it on the ground, stomped on it, set it on fire then peed on the ashes, JUST LEAVE THEM ALONE! If they try to contact you- IGNORE THEM!!! They are hurting. You cussed them over. At least let them heal without stringing them along with derision and false hope! For those that have been cheated ON, just LET IT GO!!! I know you love them. I know its hard to let go. Believe me. I KNOW. But the very BEST thing you could do is gain distance. Any amount of contact that you have with that person just keeps that torch lit. You’ll never be able to fully heal and move on unless you just stay away from that person for a while. I’m not saying forever. Just give it a good 6 months to a year, depending on how long you were together and how deep the bond went. Go out and find yourself again WITHOUT dealing with the drama of an ex. Then again, I have this strict anti-drama rule now. If I see you as a potential drama threat, expect to be ignored. From everything I have learned about relationships, I know that an ex will almost always bring drama.  It pisses me off to see people going through this stuff. Then again, I am the kind of person who could up and move away with my kids without a second thought and go to a place I know no one and have never been before. I also have a very low tolerance for stupidity.

Now I’m getting tired… and annoyed because I just can’t seem to type tonight. I keep having to go back and edit everything. I am also annoyed because I decided that I was going to celebrate my birthday this year. When is my birthday? Well, its surrounded by renn fest and MegaCon. Which means everyone will be busy or penniless. I was hoping to go to Disney or Universal or something with some people, but so far everyone is unavailable.  I might  just take a weekend to go out to Jacksonville to visit Fadi, JC and Alexa. We shall see. There are a few select people that I would really enjoy hanging out with for my birthday (you know who you are already), but alas, not in the cards

This weekend will be another busy weekend. Friday night, possibly seeing Green Lantern with my friend Hendershot. We haven’t been able to hang out in a pretty long time, so that will be cool. Saturday will be dedicated to steam cleaning my carpets and making sure all of the vomit is gone. Saturday night I pick up RedC from the airport and shes crashing at my place so that I can bring her to Tiff on Sunday, which is when I go to her house to do paper tape dummies.

Which brings me to something else. Wolf Pack Elite. I know a lot of people have their own ideas and such about them… but let me tell you something… I have never met such a large group of seriously awesome people. I am so freaking glad that the Yarters introduced me into it. I have met so many people that have helped me in some way or another- even if it was just a kind word, a kiss on the forehead, or a stupid joke. It makes me feel like I actually belong somewhere again- as JENN. The actual WOMAN Jenn, not mommy. I’m starting to get out of my normal mom-wear, so I’m starting to feel attractive again (I know I’m aesthetically pleasing to people- that’s not the type of attractiveness I meant). I can be myself with everyone- the person who I have been hiding for the past, oh, 4 years because I have solely concentrating on being mom. Okay, well I never hid myself *That* well, but I always kept it on low. I don’t know… its almost like I am rediscovering myself through my friends. Finding people who love doing the same stupid things that I do. Who geek out about the same geeky things. Who don’t mind getting molested by me every now and again *cough* I kid, I kid. But yeah… hopefully at some point I will make it to full member status… once I get off my lazy butt!! Which brings me to the next thing…

MY FABRIC CAME IN!!! I’ve been waiting for it to come in from NY, but it was super delayed by the weather. Its GOOD that it came in, because the new Power Ranger deadline if Feb 4th!!! I need to put the new lining into the suit and finish all of the alterations to prep it for shipping. I also got.. drumroll please.. the fabric for my Mockingbird costume for Mega!! I think I am going to have to try running dye through it… the blue isn’t as dark as I thought it would be. I didn’t go with spandex, I went with stretch supplex… so there’s a possibility that the dye will hold. Only tests can tell!! Hopefully Woj will have the foam ran for me so I can do the TMNT knee pads, too. And I need to find my brown leather!! I really want to make a corset for my burlesque monkey girl costume that I am doing for Mega. Then theres the Renn Batgirl I want to do… Ugh!! So much to do!! Luckily I work well under pressure.

Alright, my brain is warped now. My mind is stuck on overdrive and I continue to think about the same things over and over… knowing it will get me nowhere.  All I know is that it will take me a bit more time before I am able to get into another relationship. I need to grow comfortable in my new skin (because, regardless of whether you notice or not, you change with every relationship. No matter what kind of relationship it is- each person you let into your life influences you and you continuously change. I call that growing new skin.). So I am now a single mom (as if that has ever changed LOL), with many different prospects on the horizon. I am letting go of the past that has been bringing me negativity, and I am choosing to move forward in a more positive light. 2011 will be a GOOD year, full of awesome kids, good family, good friends, and good times. No matter how many times life tries to knock me on my cuss, I will just continue to get up and keep going.

Sorry for the negativity in the beginning. Its something I have been thinking about for years now and just wanted to get it in writing. Some of those thoughts are incomplete, but its a topic that is hard to write down in its entirety. I would really have to talk face to face with someone for it all to make sense. I just know that in a lot of ways, I have very traditional morals and values. I have very strong beliefs in right and wrong, and as much as I joke around with people, I am actually that kind of person that doesnt believe in sharing in a relationship (though if thats my friends thing, more power to them). I don’t beleive in lying. I don’t believe in shoving your own religion down peoples throats or judging people based on their religion.  I don’t believe in judging people based on anything, really. I have heard a lot of bad things about people… but I don’t judge them based on others opinions. I get to know you for you before I decide.  I think I started this blog just to rant about how I am disappointed in the female race. What happened to women like me? Do they only exist in my family? What happened to make everyones last moral fibers snap?? Mind you- I am a very open person. Nudity doesn’t bother me. Being ambiguous doesn’t bother me. Overt sexuality doesn’t bother me. I flirt a lot, etc. (No I don’t walk around nekkid. ) But when it gets down to it, there are VERY few people who I would even consider being with.  And once I am with someone, I don’t even see members of the opposite sex anymore. Its like everyone is asexual. I see only the person I am with. Maybe I’m just TOO old fashioned. I want the man to be the man, but I also don’t want him to be a demanding cusshole. I want equality and I want to love and FEEL loved. Something I haven’t felt in an awkwardly long time. (from a man. I always feel loved by my kids/friends/family!!)When did it all turn into women doing things just to get what they want, then discarding guys like they were an old pair of shoes or something? Guys are not accessories!!! BAH!

I don’t want the typical super mom comments or hot whatever comments… if you have something to say that pertains to crap I’ve said, awesome! If not, I want you to leave a comment about something you think I could stand to change about myself. Be honest- I can handle it. You only see so much of yourself, and others can see so much more.. so I would really like to know. Its a new year and I want to work to be a better person. Do eet!

Now hopefully Jazzy face will sleep through the night. She woke up once, unable to breath through her stuffy nose. Poor little mama

Night all